Parenting should come with a manual. Every hospital should have a binder that they send home with new parents about how to care for and raise this new child.
But what would it say?
Where would they get the information?
Who is the expert on all things children?
How BIG would the binder have to be?
Part of the reason why they don’t send home a manual is because there are many opinions about how to raise kids. Another reason is because children are so different. Any parent with more than one child can tell you that.
There is such a manual. The hospital doesn’t give it to you. At least none that I am aware of. It doesn’t cover how to feed a baby or how to change a diaper, important skills to have. It doesn’t cover every situation, but it does tell us what we should be teaching our children and how we do that.
The manual is the Bible. God’s Word. The Bible does for us what we should be doing for our children, pointing to Jesus.
Every book, every chapter, every verse, every word of the Bible was written to point us to Jesus. How does the law of Leviticus or the genealogy of Genesis 6 point to Jesus? Sorry, that would be another post.
But the Bible does tell us as parents what our main focus should be. It is called the Shema. It declares that Jehovah, Yahweh, is the only God and we are to love and obey Him.
Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.
Deuteronomy 6:4-9 NIV
https://bible.com/bible/111/deu.6.4-9.NIV
The Jews took these instructions very literally (some still do during prayer times) and would wear a phylactery on their head with these words in them. They carved them on their doorframes and gates. They wanted God to be at the forefront of their minds and their children’s minds at all times as God commanded.
What God wants for his people is to be not just the center of our lives, but to be our life. God knows that what we talk about, where we put our priorities, where our heart is, that is what our children will learn. We teach our children through how we live.
What do our children hear us talk about the most? What do our children see us making time for? What do we spend our money on? What attitudes do our children see us having? What do our children see us really living for?
The answer to those questions is what we are REALLY teaching our children.
Jesus was asked about the greatest commandment and he points to the Shema.
One of them, an expert in the law, tested him with this question: “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” Jesus replied: “ ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”
Matthew 22:35-40 NIV
https://bible.com/bible/111/mat.22.35-40.NIV
So, Deuteronomy tells us to impress these commands on our children, to talk about them when sitting or walking, when we lie down and get up. So virtually, all the time. To impress means to leave a mark or indentation. For example, when walking in snow, we make an impression of our boot that looks like our boot. We leave our footprint on our children because they tend to walk like we walk. They tend to talk like we talk. They tend to do what we do.
So, what are you REALLY teaching your children?
Are you teaching them that you have to be in soccer, dance, basketball, music lessons, etc.?
Are you teaching them that friends are the most important thing?
Are you teaching them that working is more important than spending time with them because you have to have all the stuff everyone else has?
Are you teaching them that talking about sports is more important than talking about God? (Sometimes I am guilty of this)
Are you teaching them that a real relationship with Jesus is the most important thing in your life and what that looks like?
Are you teaching them to sacrifice to love other people?
Are you teaching them to stand for Jesus no matter the persecution?
We reap what we sow. What seeds are you sowing?
Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. Whoever sows to please their flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; whoever sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life.
Galatians 6:7-8 NIV
https://bible.com/bible/111/gal.6.7-8.NIV
I can’t speak for you, but personally, I know that I need to plant more seeds of Jesus in the lives of my children. I want to plant more seeds of Jesus! But I get so caught up in other things.
I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God has been making it grow. So neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow. The one who plants and the one who waters have one purpose, and they will each be rewarded according to their own labor. For we are co-workers in God’s service; you are God’s field, God’s building.
1 Corinthians 3:6-9 NIV
https://bible.com/bible/111/1co.3.6-9.NIV
Our job as parents is to plant seeds. It is God’s job to make them grow. As we are all hoping and waiting for Spring to come quickly, think about seeds. What seeds are you planting? God’s Word grows into the most beautiful creations. Are your children going to grow to be beautiful 9 ft tall sunflowers? Or thorns?
One of the ways that we are planting seeds in our family has been fostering for the last 6+ years. We not only get to invest in the lives of other children who needed to be shown the love of Jesus, but it has taught us and our children much about the love of Jesus. It has taught us that the world doesn’t revolve around us. It has taught us to look to the interests of others (Philippians 2:3-4). It has taught us that we need Jesus every single moment.
Some might call me old fashioned about things like church attendance or say it’s because I am a pastor. But what does it teach our kids when we allow other things to keep us away from church activities on a regular basis but we have time for everything else? Growing up we went to church at least 3 times a week: Sunday morning, Sunday evening, and Wednesday nights, plus anything else that the church was doing. We didn’t miss for anything other than when we were on vacation or sickness. While I think we can be legalistic about it, it taught me that it should be a priority. I also saw my dad writing a tithe check every payday, so I knew that giving to the church was a priority.
I am not saying that you cannot miss a Sunday service or that you have to be involved with everything at your church. Legalism in the church has harmed many people who wanted to just follow Jesus. What I am wondering is, what message are we teaching our kids?
We have had to say no to activities (baseball, plays, parties) for our kids because they would have required missing church on Sunday mornings. We have made those choices, not because I am a pastor nor because we are being legalistic, but because we believe that it is honoring to God. Our kids have missed other church activities because of those things, but we drew that line in the sand.
If we miss church because the only family time we have is on Sunday mornings, then there probably is a deeper issue of how we are spending our time throughout the rest of the week, which also teaches our kids something.
What church we go to matters as well. I am afraid that we are teaching our kids to be consumers at church with their specialized programs and not teaching them to serve. Do we go to church for their great youth or children’s program? The awesome worship music? The ultra polished preaching? Or because it is a place where we can serve alongside our children? And this is not about size of church as much as the DNA of the church.
Church is only part of the way that we demonstrate our love for Jesus. What about the other 167 hours of the week? What seeds are we planting?
A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.
Luke 6:45 NIV
https://luke.bible/luke-6-45
What our mouths speak is what is truly in our hearts. What do we talk about?
For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
Matthew 6:21 NIV
https://matthew.bible/matthew-6-21
What do we invest our money in?
Love Jesus, love people. That’s how Jesus summed it up. That’s what we need to be teaching our children. Those are the seeds we need to plant and water.
What are you REALLY teaching your children?
Renewing Our Relationships 